What do you think of when you think of boundaries? You may think of “limits” and “being boxed in”, and on the other hand, it can also mean ‘self-definition’ and the ability to create space for yourself where you feel secure and empowered. The latter is where I would prefer to focus our attention.
The boundaries you create for yourself or the lack of boundaries, are influenced by how you see yourself, your ‘identity’, including your self-esteem, your beliefs and your values which are the unconscious drivers of how you live your life, and the choices and agreements you make.
So, if you have made a choice, for example, to under-charge for your services, or put up with shoddy workmanship and continuous breaking of commitments by employees or clients without penalties, then you will want to reflect on your unconscious drivers including how worthy you believe yourself to be. If your level of self-esteem is low, or if you believe you don’t deserve any better, you will tend to allow persons to encroach on your personal space where you feel empowered and allow them to literally suck your ‘power source’ away from you!
If you think of boundaries in this way, they are then simply a mechanism to help you to keep your personal power instead of giving it away to situations, circumstances and people.
When we allow ourselves to be triggered into negative emotional states (anger, frustration, sadness for example) by difficult customers, colleagues, family members or friends, we are giving away our power; when we hold on to negative past experiences in our minds (a failed business deal, an unsuccessful sale, or a rude client) and allow them to colour our behavior and actions in the present, we are also violating our own boundaries that keep us safe and energized.
Here are four questions you could ask yourself to clarify the effects of setting boundaries or not:
- What happens when you don’t set the boundary?
- What happens if the boundary is set?
- What is the positive intent behind not setting the boundary?
- What is the positive intent that you gain in setting the boundary?
One of the keys to being an empowered individual is to take 100 percent responsibility for everything that happens in your life and to be ‘at cause’. Now, you might say, that this is ridiculous, because I am not in control of EVERYTHING that happens in the world around me. And, what I want you to recognize is that if you just decide to think and act ‘as if’ it WERE true, it will fundamentally shift the results you get in your life. In NLP we say that ‘cause’ is always greater than ‘effect’. On the flip side, if you stay on the ‘effect’ side of the equation, you will play victim and allow others to completely drain your batteries. Notice I said ‘allow’ – because, whether you realize it or not, you are always fully in charge of your life and your business.
Decide today to be at cause. Take 100% responsibility for everything that happens in your life, and experience the power of making choices and taking action to get you the results that you want.
To learn more about how you can change your thinking, feelings and behavior to get the results you want, contact:
Elizabeth Terry
NLP, Time Line Therapy®, Hypnosis Trainer and Master Coach
Flow Consultant, Entrepreneur’s Institute
www.limitlesstransformationja.com
www.facebook.com/LimitlessTransformationJamaica
www.linkedin.com/in/terry.elizabeth
Call/Whatsapp: 876-556-5177